"Litany" Poem--April 2010

Key West, Florida, 1995

Blue striped geckos lose their tails independently wiggling bodies,

tree frogs in the deep dark well at the end of Passover lane,

browned grass baked dead by the sun's relentless attention,

an uncompromising lover. We want green, how it withers &

shrivels & dies, three times over & sticky anemones

beneath the pier, urchins & sea cows in clouds of purple ink.

Portuguese Man-Of-War float far out barracudas & clownfish & brain coral.

The cemetery across the street we play in

forts constructed on headstones stomping carelessly unaware of death,

instinctively we shy away from small graves.

& how we adore big fat drops of water,

running down soggy streets to jump in puddles

feeling wet & cool on our feet, thinking the whole world lives,

barefoot & sweating & half-clothed & wild.

& coconuts split open by machete

white & bitter, milk not milk to us

but the ocean which surrounds us--

keeps us here, thick mangroves imprison us,

one highway stretches down to this place,

heaven, where tourists flock rejoicing in white sand,

lemon sharks lay close to shore,

Cuba ninety miles by raft.

Rejects, idealists,

junkies, wanderers,

settling here with tattoos

& tie dyed t-shirts, scarred arms

& long hair & towels for clothes,

my father & our house with screens

& mismatched wood, my mother, her guitar

our home, is no home for children & young minds,

we watch the island beyond our latched wooden gate,

keeping them out, and us in, laying beneath slow moving fans,

taking refuge in the scent of jasmine the curl of bougainvillea

& the yellow center of frangipani--the softness of hibiscus petals.

2010, March 7

Hi Everybody--

I probably need to change the title of this blog, but I've been taking various poetry courses for the last year and a half, and wanted to share some of my recent works. I haven't had time to blog recently, but wanted a place in which to publicly share my work.

I hope you enjoy,

feedback is much appreciated.

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1. Lottery

(An experimental prose poem, commenting on life in California)

The woman at the bus stop with a guitar poking out of a brown paper bag, clutched tightly, frantically waiting. The man who can't stop tapping his toes on the train, all the way from Oakland to San Francisco. That crazy question, where do you see yourself in ten years? asked gently, winding along the California coast, fruitlessly searching for lighthouses, far out to sea, a barge from China, packed with some mystery good, something we all need a little more of. CAUTION, blaring in yellow, people have fallen from these cliffs, people have drowned in this ocean. This ocean which offers neatly ordered rolling spraying ocean, protected spaces for blubbery sea lions who have long since left this grainy beach. In a smoggy shop full of men with dim lights and brightly colored lottery tickets, the bus smells like mothballs and marijuana, the fat happy baby kicks his feet and gurgles, content to squirm on his mother's lap. The teenagers, playing and fighting and flirting like puppies, why you in my mother fucking mouth, spat out in the beginning stages of flowing rushing gushing hormones. Again, a question, what do you call home? A question no one knows how to articulate. A place, how location does not leave us, even when everything else does, how our bones remember spaces and the time we spent in said places, the time we spent away from them, the people in these spaces/places blurring and fading and changing in our unreliable minds and memories of our minds, the place/space seared into the make up of our faces and hands, tucked behind our ears, underneath our nails and behind our wobbly knees.

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2. Fall's Fall

(My attempt at a Shakespearean Sonnet, much of which is slant rhyme)

Through the passing of a life from fall's fall

to the growing of fleshy orange pumpkins

the curling of a sunflower's round ball

weaving a new found founding function

the cucumbers fat and tubular and green

squash green and hard and squash yellowing

the coarseness of a bloom the delicate sheen

unraveling as winter's cool shelling

breathing frost and cold into tangles of earth

earth's smooth silence and stoic waiting

spreading out and over the tired birth

this place of growth and slow moving baiting

sparrows peck at the topsoil wiggle worms

all in the hopes of watering new germs

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3. Spain, 2007

(Free verse, memories of my first trip to Spain, specifically the tiny charming town of Gomez)

The little town of Gomez boasts

round juicy peaches, endless cornfields,

stray dogs and restaurants-

pitchers of dark red Sangria,

wedges of oranges & lemon floating on its surface,

set next to platters of fresh dripping vegetables,

golden olive oil pooling around the edges of mouths.

We eat dinner on the patio,

whole shrimp resembling ancient sea creatures-

rolled about in garlic and parsley, soaked and grilled,

the lights of Barcelona barely visible

in the murky purple distance.

Beneath, on la calle,

matriarchs and patriarchs sit in flowered lawn chairs,

or on their front stoops-languid, careless,

confident in their position in this world,

smoking cigars, chattering, gossiping, quietly, steadily.

Night after night, dark eyed dark haired children

chase and tease each other, pulling hair, laughing.

Babies with pierced earls are gently held by wrinkled hands,

kissed & cuddled & admired & adored.

The soft buzz of Catalunya is muted by a stirring wind,

lifting the dry Mediterranean air onto exposed necks,

tunneling through sticky shirts and shorts,

Gomez exhaling as cool air hits

warm, pumping bodies.

Final Rotary Report

Kelsey A. Liebenson-Morse
Rotary Report # 3
April 2008

1. Have you traveled outside your immediate area? In groups with other students? With Rotarians? As part of your school program?

One of my goals for my exchange year was to travel as much as possible. I had no idea I would be so fortunate. I have traveled to Italy, Turkey, Greece, Austria, Slovenia, and Serbia. I have visited several towns and cities within the country of Croatia. On May 5th I will travel to Dubrovnik, Croatia's most adored city, supposedly one of the most beautiful in the world. Most of my travel was done with other Exchange Students or my host families. My Rotary hhas taken us to Plitvice Lakes, one of Croatia's National Parks, along with Zagorija, the upper part of Croatia. And on May 25th I will embark on a three week tour of Europe, sponsored by the Rotary.

2. How has your social life been? Parties? Family events? Close friends?

I will never forget my first real Croatian friend, and her initial kindness. She was a neighbor at my first host family's house, and I can vividly remember walking over to her house on my second day in this country. I can remember walking into her room, and her just giving me this giant hug and looking at me and seeming to say, ok, you can relax now...I have made friends with my classmates, I have made friends with people from all over the world. Breaking into a new social circle can be difficult, but you begin to remember how to go about making friends.
Another exchange student here, is a friend for life. We have already planned her visit to New Hampshire. My close friend Phillip, is also planning to come visit this summer. My big group of Croatian guy friends who call me Chelsea (as in the football team) are like a band of brothers, who would do anything for me if I asked. I was/am lucky that I met people who truly care about me as a friend, people I will stay in contact with for years to come. Writing this makes me realize how difficult saying goodbye all over again will be.

3. Have you had visitors from home? If so, when? Who? Comments?

This Friday, April 18th, my father and sister will arrive in Zagreb. I am excited beyond description. Mostly, it is a surreal feeling; to picture seeing my family after a long period of time (the longest in my 18 years) and seeing them within this new life that I have been living alone for 8 months. Both of my host families, present and former, are looking forward to meeting my family. I am looking forward to seeing my three families together.

4. Have you made your arrangements to come back? Date returning?

I will be back in Peterborough, New Hampshire on the 13th of June, sometime around 8 o'clock in the evening.

5. How many host families did you have? Please comment on how you liked being in different families? Too many different families... not enough families?

I have lived with two host families this exchange year. My first family is, to me, like my family at home, so leaving them was extremely difficult. In some ways, I think one is guaranteed to forge a stronger bond with the first family, simply because of circumstances. When you first arrive in your country, you are vulnerable and friendless, and essentially mourning the loss of all that is familiar. You spend much more time at home during the first few months, due to lack of resources and friends, etc. Your first family are those who help you to establish a life for yourself. By the time I switched to my second family (in January) I already had a life going, with things to do, and friends to spend time with. In some ways, this has been challenging for me-I am torn between wanting to be with friends, and spending time with my second host family. To me, two is a good number of families, I am not sure I would have liked to switch lifestyles again. I do believe no matter how hard it is to leave your first family, change is inevitably good.

6. In general, please evaluate your exchange experience. Anything you would have done differently? Would you recommend the program to others? How are you different from when you left in august?

I have to admit, this question makes me laugh. A year abroad cannot exactly be summed up in anything less then a novel. I will spare everyone the torture of hearing a blow by blow account of my crisis, growth, struggles, and adventures, all that I have seen, heard, learned and experienced.
I can say, without a doubt in my mind, that no, I would not have done anything differently, nor would I have chosen another country. Since Croatia is a small country, without many foreigners, everyone always asks me, why Croatia? And honestly, I have to tell them, it was by accident. Croatia was my fourth choice and I never thought I would end up living here for a year.
I had no idea what to expect, all I knew was that Croatia was rumored to have nice beaches. Honestly, I pictured myself sitting under a palm tree all year, and being swept off my feet by some dark eyed European.
But, as I am sure other exchange students feel, your home country becomes dear to you in a way that is hard to word. You feel as though a part of you now belongs to your home country. There are traditions and recipes and sights and a language that will stay with me for the rest of my life. I now feel as though I have a home away from home, a country that I am perhaps not through with-I have a feeling Croatia will play a part in my life sometime in the future. My first host family is my family now. I can picture them at my wedding. My nine year old host sister will most likely be the hardest person to leave. One of my greatest comforts when I first arrived was being able to read her books and tuck her into bed.
Truthfully, I feel the enormity of this year will hit me upon my return to the "real world," as I think of it now. I feel as though everything that I wasn't able to process here will hit me, and once again, I will be adjusting. The life of exchange student is a padded existence. School for me is a complete joke at best, my host family cooks for me, my host mother folds my laundry and puts it in my room. I have no serious obligations, expectations or jobs to do on a regular basis. Basically, I can do what I wish, within reason on a day to day basis. I have never had that type of freedom before, and probably never will again.
I will miss Europe and I will miss being able to blend in as a Croatian. I will miss "getting coffee" for three hours, as Croatia is a coffee culture. I will miss waiting for the bus, I will miss taking the tram, I will miss walking home alone late at night. I will miss every person here who offered me something, from the lady on the street, to my best friends. Overall, I feel lucky.
Over and over again, I would find myself in these situations, for example, looking at a view of the Adriatic, and think to myself, whatever did I do to get myself here? I filled out an application and got accepted. I would recommend exchange for everyone. I don't think it is possible to have a negative experience. Everything that once seemed negative inverts and becomes positive.
I have no idea how I have changed. I suppose I will discover that upon arrival in America, when I see the people who know me best in the world. I hope I am more organized, perhaps my moods are more controlled, and absolutely, capable of achieving what I want, on my own. The exaltation of being reliant on yourself is a feeling no one should miss.

April Happenings

Today is an "exciting" day for the small country of Croatia, especially for the capital city of Zagreb. None other then our dear American President, Mr. George W. Bush will be visiting the city. He has successfully managed to immobilize most of the city, arriving with about 25 planes and God only knows how many security guards and assorted members of the C.I.A. Trams and bus are not running on regular schedules. Since I live on the main street which enters the center of the city, my host father was forced to bike around the entire city in order to get to work...

Walking home today, I was distracted by the unholy amount of police men stationed on all street corners, (every 10 meters) attempting to look as though they were doing something productive...most schools were either canceled or shortened today...due to the fact that Mr. Bush would, at some point during the day, be driving by. Homes which are located on streets which Mr. Bush will drive by have been ordered to shut their shades and stay inside...rather unbelievable. I am a bit embarrassed that our President is making such a ruckus by coming to this tiny country. I am not planning on doing any flag waving or anything of that sort. Protests have been organized, although the police are already trying to put a stop to them.

On a different note-
Today, I will be on Croatian National T.V., for the second time this year. It seems to me that Croatian reporters don't have too much to report, since they keep contacting all of us exchange students, asking to do interviews. (Shows you how few foreigners there are living in this country.) The last interview I did was in English, comparing the school systems in American to those in Croatia. I was allowed to answer in English. The latest interview, about why I was in Croatia, had I found love, (everyone asks that question) etc. was conducted entirely in Croatian. More then a little nerve-wracking...I honestly have no idea what I said...so at 1:20 today, we shall see how incredibly unprepared I appear...lovely.

Other news-
I was finally able to meet up with my friend Mirta, who was on exchange from Bjelovar, Croatia in Hopkinton, New Hampshire this past year. We met at my Rotary Orientation, she was my first Croatian friend, and was wonderful about me grilling her with questions. She taught me my very first Croatian words...Although Bjelovar isn't far from Zagreb (about 1 and half hours) we have missed each other for various reasons. But last Thursday Mirta was in Zagreb, so we were able to get coffee and spend some time together. Hopefully we will see each other again sometime before the 13th of June.

Hope everyone is enjoying the snow in New Hampshire...I got myself the beginning of a tan on Monday afternoon, it being more then 75 degrees in the sun.

Life Updates

Hello Friends and Family and assorted blog fans-

First off, my deepest apologies for my lack of postings as of late...life continues to speed up, and time for blog writing shortens considerably.

This past weekend I went skiing in Bad Gastein, Austria. A great town with great mountains, even for someone who doesn't especially enjoy skiing, I do admit I enjoyed myself. Perhaps the most interesting part of the trip was the international feeling...riding up the gondola you could hear five different languages being spoken. The trip was also relatively easy, Chandra and I took the train right from the center of Zagreb, and landed about two feet from our youth hostel. The hostel was a five minute walk from the mountain.

I surprised myself by being able to ski without injuring myself too badly, I haven't been skiing in over two years, and never before on such a large mountain. When you reach the top, you are surrounded on all sides my snow capped peaks. We had sunny weather both days. I must admit that each night I feel asleep at about 8 o'clock, and I am still recovering even though today is Wednesday. We also visited a spa which boasts outdoor pools that are filled with naturally hot geyser water...we soaked in the pools for about two hours. OK, so I do admit, that was probably my favorite part of the whole trip...much more my speed then trying not to kill myself coasting down the mountain.

For those of you who don't know I have my return date booked for the 13th of June. Time is flying by. On the 25th of May I embark on a two week Euro Tour that ends the 10th of June. So my exchange as I know it will be over by the end of May, a mere two and a half months! School ends the 16th of May, also another joy. And the 1st through the 5th of May, I will be visiting the world famous "old city" of Dubrovnik.

My Croatian class ends next week, and although I feel as though I could keep going for the rest of my life and still not know Croatian completely, it will be nice to have my Monday and Wednesday nights free. At this point I am understanding mostly everything that is said to me directly, although I don't have the words to reply as I would like to.

Two weeks ago I gave a two minute speech in Croatian for the Rotarian's Presidents Meeting. It was more nerve wracking then I would have expected. Since I memorized it, I had nothing to fall back on when I messed up, but in the end it worked out ok. The Rotarians seemed to think I was cute for trying. Croatians love when you speak their language, no matter how you butcher it.

I have a two week break for Easter at the end of March, and will be going to my host family's apartment in Rovinj, a town on the coast, about an hour and half from Zagreb. I am looking forward to it very much, especially the sitting on the beach aspect of it!

Hope all is well in the United States. Missing driving and movies without Croatian subtitles...

Veljača

Spring has come to Zagreb, and with it, a new host family.

By now, most of you probably know I am living with the Mirić family, consisting of Mladen, (host father) Milica (host mother) and Mirela, (host sister) age 11. It was more difficult then I could have anticipated to leave the Tuškans, thought less difficult then I imagined to adapt to a new living situation. Being as I have lived in Zagreb for five months (and counting) and have a relative grasp on the language, nothing is as difficult as it was in September.

To come into a second family is not as daunting as a task the second time around. My new family is a very traditional Croatian family-both of my parents come from a tiny village called Gospić which is still very much a village.

The Mirić's have been wonderful about adapting to my non red-eating meat habits, my host mother jokes about being on a chicken and fish diet for the next five months. Both the Mirić's are great cooks (I am starting to see everyone in Croatia is a whiz in the kitchen) They are constantly concerned with the amount of food I have or have not consumed, in an endearing way of course. Luckily we just learned the past tense in my Croatian class so I can say, jela sam (I ate!)

Other new developments:

1. On April 18th my Dad and sister will be coming to Zagreb! It is impossible for me to convey the breadth of my excitement.

2. I was on Croatian National T.V.! It sounds much more thrilling then it was. The program was about school systems in comparison to Croatia's school systems-which were more challenging. Sort of a trick question, because one can absolutely not generalize about schools in America since they differ so dramatically from state to state and town to town. Basically I talked about how my high school put the emphasis on learning how to learn, as opposed to memorizing facts, which is the focus here. (Granted, I did my fair share of busy-work, but that is another story.)

3. My cousin Amy is in Rome studying, so I am planning a trip for the beginning of March.

The language is speeding up for me, partially since my host dad doesn't speak English, so I don't feel self conscious about completely botching a sentence. I called home the other afternoon and we spoke entirely in Croatia. Quite a nice feeling.

Hoping everyone in the U.S. is well-
Much love from the Balkans.

Report

Here is my second official Rotary Report, it might be a bit repetitive, but could potentially be of some interest. Make sure to see the blog about Turkey below.



Rotary Report # 2
KELSEY A. LIEBENSON-MORSE
January 2008

1. How was the holiday season? How did it differ from what you are
used to back home? How is the weather?

My Holiday season in Croatia was perfectly lovely. I had three weeks off from school. I could not have asked for a better Christmas experience away from my own family. One realizes that the concept of the holidays boils down to being with people that you love and care about. This may not be your "blood family," but this is irrelevant. I missed my family, but no more then I always do.
Croatians are 98% Catholic, so Christmas is taken seriously. Since my first Host Mother is British, I had a stocking and fruit cake, making me feel right at home. Croatians have traditional meals they eat on Christmas Eve (fish) and Christmas Day. (turkey) Probably the only downside of all of this festivity is that I ate an astronomical amount of Christmas cookies. (Croatian Christmas cookies=unbelievable) We had a "Bijelo Božić," meaning a White Christmas. I was able to travel to Turkey the last week of my break, yet another culture and country to experience. I have switched host families, and am beginning to build relationships with a new family.


2. How is the language coming along? Do you think or dream in it
yet? Have you made new friends (natives or other exchange students)?
We suggest you concentrate more on the natives for the best exchange
experience.

Croatian continues to be a challenge. But, fear not, progress it being made. I can read signs, and understand the general gist of most conversations, especially among young people. I "read" the newspaper every day. I can say things such as, "I need," "I will," etc, along with form short, simple sentences. I am still at the rudimentary stages of learning a language, which is o.k. with me. The group of Croatians who I spend the most time with don't speak English too well, which is wonderful. They address me in Croatian, and if I don't understand, someone will translate for me. I can buy things at the store. For all intensive purposes, my Croatian is good enough to live, though not nearly good enough to have conversations about the state of the nation. These days, people do not immediately switch to English. Victory! I will continue to work on Croatian, building my vocabulary and practicing my pronunciation. Perhaps I will have a dream in Croatian sometime before June.



3. How often do you meet with your counselor? Have you presented
your program at Rotary yet? Have you done a program for other groups?
Are you receiving your allowance? Is it adequate for day to day
expenses?

I go to Rotary Meeting once a month. My counselor travels more often then not, so I don't see her on a regular basis. I have not presented to my Rotary yet. I receive 400 kuna a month, which works out to about 80 dollars a month-more then enough.



4. How is school going? What subjects are you studying? The same
ones you started with or have you changed subjects or levels in
subjects? Are you involved in activities outside of the classroom?

School. I have to be honest here and say that the tedium and boredom continues. I am not sure why I bring a bag to school. I am not sure I have written anything down. I am in the process of trying to switch to some sort of dance school, so maybe I can feel as though I am not wasting my time sitting in a classroom (reading-if you need some great books recommended, let me know) all day long. My teachers take no interest in me, in fact, I would be surprised if they knew my name. To be fair, part of my struggle is with the Croatian school system itself, it is rigid beyond belief. One comes into class, sits down, and listens to the teacher talk for 45 minutes. If you are lucky, you might get an oral exam. I must admit, I am disappointed with the way my school situation has worked out, but there is still time for adjustments to be made. My school does not offer any extra-curricular activities, but I continue to take ballet class four times a week. Hopefully by the end of January I will begin to do some English tutoring.



5. Would you say you are happy? How are you healthwise? If you have
had to use it, has your insurance worked?

Certainly, I am happy. Life in Zagreb is my life now. I know that the second half of exchange will melt away before I know it. I am trying my best to enjoy the luxurious life of being an exchange student. Never again in my life will I be able to travel with the ease and freedom that I have experienced this year. Health wise, no complaints. I still marvel at the fact that I haven't been hit by any crazy Croatian tram drivers, they seem to dislike the concept of stopping for pedestrians.



6. Do you think you were well prepared for your exchange year? What
should we have concentrated on in your orientations last year?

Above all, I think it is important for students to have no preconceived notions of how their exchange year is going to unfold. If you expect it to be a certain way, then you are setting yourself up for disaster. The reality is that your exchange year is beyond what you can imagine for yourself. Flexibility is key to survival.



FREE SPACE: (Comments, suggestions, joys, sorrows…..)

Joys: Walking across the River Sava at sunset. Becoming part of another family. Letters from home. Being teased, but more often, kissed, by my Croatian non-English speaking Grandfather. I could go on for pages...